Now that your child is close to two years old, gaining language and showing the ability to follow directions, it’s only natural to start wondering: how and when do I start potty training? This question is one of the first that I hear every school year, and I’ve even had parents in the infant classrooms start asking! My first reaction used to be - what’s the rush? No one goes to college in diapers. But as a new parent, I am starting to better understand the tedium of diaper changes and blow-outs, and the constant power struggle to prevent little hands from unlatching the diaper. However, as much as it would be amazing to have our little people learn how to use the potty early, this training needs to be approached with respect and thoughtful planning. Just think about how you would feel if someone rushed you into an uncomfortable situation and wouldn’t let you stop. We need to be cognizant of the emotional toll toilet training can put on a child.
There are three developmental components that you really need to evaluate before you start potty training.
- Is your child able to tell you when they need to go? If your child cannot verbalize or tell you in some way that they need to use the potty, I would hold off. Starting too early will lead to frustration for both you and your child. Starting to potty train needs to be a positive and productive experience. It’s a partnership, and your child needs to trust that you will respect how he feels and gently guide him on his time, not yours. Usually a child will start to tell you verbally if their diaper is wet or soiled, and this is a great indicator that they are beginning to understand the process their body is going through.
- Is your child physically capable of potty training? Some key signs are large gaps between wet diapers, dry diapers after naps or overnight, and your child being uncomfortable when he has a dirty diaper. Children need to build up the strength in their muscles to be able to “hold it” long enough to get to the potty once they realize it’s time to go. They need to be able to pull their pants up and down as well (a new wardrobe filled with drawstring pants is an important part of early potty training!).
- Is your child emotionally ready? If your child is being really defiant and adamant about not using the potty, it’s better to pull back than to force the issue. As stated above, this process should be positive and full of love and trust. Praise and joy should be used to encourage your child, and sometimes little gifts can nudge children in the right direction. If a fear of using the potty starts to develop, go slowly and try to follow your child’s lead.
There are so many opinions and methods out there, it’s daunting to dig through. A lot of families that I have spoken with throughout my time in the classroom have had success with Oh Crap! Potty Training by Jamie Glowacki, which is three days of a naked free for all with plenty of trips to the potty. Typically, parents wait until the spring and warm weather to try this method (and it also lines up with children being around two and a half since I teach young two year olds).
If you aren’t sure your child is ready, but you’d like to start trying, you can start by placing him on the toilet after he wakes up in the morning. Build potty time into the daily routine and see what happens. Read books about the potty. Be excited every single time he goes successfully. You can clap and sing and make a big deal out of it and your child will take pride in himself.
Some great potty training tips that I have overheard include:
- Allow your child to run around naked for a weekend and have a portable child potty in every room so they can run there quickly!
- For the first couple of weeks of potty training, have your child go commando so the band of the underwear does not remind them of wearing a diaper.
- Pull-ups are essentially a diaper, and children treat them as diapers. The ease of pulling them up and down does not encourage a run to the potty.
- Let your child shop for his own underwear. Picking out his favorite character or theme will be exciting, feel like a treat, and help him get psyched up for success using the toilet.
- Chocolate covered raisins and M&Ms are great motivators and rewards for using the potty productively.
- Reading a story while your child uses the toilet will encourage him to sit for longer and take his time.
Be patient, have a lot of pairs of underwear, socks, and pants ready to go, and relax. Going to the bathroom is a natural process, and everyone masters it. While it would be amazing for each child to be ready by the time they turn two, it just isn’t the reality. Some don’t mind having a loaded diaper. Some are just too busy and distracted by what they are doing. Others are really bothered by mildly wet diapers and this motivates them to learn so that they are comfortable. The stereotype that girls are easier to train than boys has rung true from my experience, but that doesn’t mean every boy takes a long time to use the toilet. Go into potty training knowing it can be an uphill battle for a little while, especially with those tricky number twos, but every single child does graduate from diapers to underpants.
About the author
Rachel McMinn is an early childhood educator at Buckle My School Preschool in Tribeca, who has taught the young 2 year olds for almost nine years. She holds a Masters in Early Childhood Education from Hunter College and a Writing degree from Pratt Institute. She lives in Brooklyn with her infant daughter, post production & screen writing husband, and two attention seeking cats.
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