I recently came across this concept, and upon introspection, much like the author, I too felt, that I had grown up as a “Guess” person and married into an “Ask” family. For example - Growing up, if someone said, it’s getting dark outside. It implicitly meant to turn on the porch lights. It was understood. You didn’t need to be told explicitly what to do about it.
If walking by a movie theatre we said, “Oh look, that movie released..” - it meant that we were interested in watching that movie. That’s a “Guess” family.
In an “Ask” family, the same two situations would be - “it’s getting dark outside” - is literally just that. It’s a statement. An observation. “Oh look! That movie released.” - is just that. An observation.
If you wanted the light turned on, you would say so clearly. If you wanted to watch that movie, you would say it explicitly. For a guess person, an ask statement would sound rude.. and for an ask person, a guess statement would sound like an observation or in the worst case - a passive-aggressive statement.
As a counselor, I have had to tell my clients - “sometimes, people need to be told explicitly what you want them to do.”Especially when I am counseling couples or when in the middle of parent-child conflict resolutions. Traditionally (stereotypically), women used to be “guess” people and men used to “ask” people.
An example - A guy just had to comment on how good a certain dish was - women would take it upon themselves to learn it, perfect it & present it to him. (Instead of just taking his observation at face value). Meanwhile, a woman might say, I told him last year how beautiful those earrings were, he just doesn’t get the hint! (Instead of explicitly saying to him, that either she wants him to buy those for her or she wants to buy them herself).
Then resentment builds. Fights happen. And so on.
This doesn’t necessarily mean either one of them is better than the other. All this means is, you will come across either of the two types of people during your life and it’ll help to identify which it is and communicate accordingly.
In my case, I learnt to become an ask person. “Unromantic” - one may say, but I have begun to add to cart what I want & tell my DH to click “buy” - in his “ask” world, that’s romantic that I know what I want and I am not wasting time waiting for him to guess.
This is just a small point of reference. I apply it now to almost all aspects of my life.
Work in progress here. Do try it
| Sweta Shah Sakhpara is a pranic energy therapist and a pranic psychotherapist. She also teaches mindfulness and meditation to kids, adults and families. When she is not doing any of the above, she actively practices being a mindful parent to two kids. |
Having learned and practiced pranic healing for ~fifteen years, Sweta has been blessed with the trust of many clients for ailments as simple as a headache to complex ones like Tourette’s syndrome, from depression and anxiety to finding ways to embrace the idea of a new normal with a child being diagnosed on the spectrum. You could read more about her HERE.
